1 – Penis-Drawing Robot

We have no idea why anybody would even think of this as a concept, let alone actually waste time and money actually making it reality, but there it is. Yes, a robot which draws a phallic symbol (incidentally one of the easiest things to draw which even a seven year old child could manage) and then writes the word ‘penis’ underneath it. Then, its inventor, David Neevel (a man with far too much money and time on his hands) will send it to you through the post. Strange… but quite funny in a very immature way.

 

2 – Hairy Stockings for Young Girls

Incredible. Better than a rape alarm in my book. They invented stockings which resemble hairy legs, basically material with realistic-looking hair attached to them, in order to make some girls look so unattractive that nobody would want to harass them. I suppose it could work in theory, but I’m not sure how fair it is that girls have to make themselves look ugly in order to avoid being hassled by neanderthals. And why stop there? Buck teeth, false fat stomachs, crooked nose pieces…

 

3 – Device to Control a Cockroach with a Smartphone

Very strange, and with seemingly no point to it at all, as well as being a tad disgusting and definitely not for the squeamish. You cut up the cockroach’s antenna, attach an electronic type of backpack to its back, connect to it using your mobile phone new app, then control it like a radio-controlled  car. A little bit unethical, weird, but actually has the potential to be quite good fun, especially if you use it to scare people.

  

4 – Urine-Powered Mobile Phones

This actually makes sense, although it’s still in the ‘developing’ stages at the moment. Scientists have worked out how to break the chemicals in our urine using modified bacteria, and they’re trying to work out how to use that microbial fuel to power up our mobile phones. Now how useful would that be! How we would ‘transfer’ that fuel into our phones is not so clear at the moment, and it could be a messy job. Environmentally-friendly phones, nice.

 

5 – Push-Up Bra for Men

Women have fooled men for years with those push up bras, and it’s time for equality to stare them back in the face. These are bras which give the distinct look of a honed and sculpted body, turning ‘man boobs’ into Adonis-like chiseled muscles, and saving you hours of effort in the gym, whilst helping you to fool drunken female victims and lure them back to your lair. Just make sure the lights are off when you get back home, and make sure she keeps her hands to herself.